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Emotional Intelligence
Developing Our Emotional Intelligence
Top Ten Suggestions
| 1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. | "I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk."
"I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot." |
| 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings. | Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that
Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) |
| 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings. | "I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous." |
| 4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions. | "How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't" |
| 5. Show respect for other people's feelings. | Ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't." |
| 6. Feel energized, not angry. | Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action. |
| 7. Validate other people's feelings. | Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings. |
| 8. Practice getting a positive value from emotions. | Ask yourself: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?"
Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?" |
| 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others. | Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment. |
| 10. Avoid people who invalidate you. | While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try to give them psychological power over you. |
* First, thanks to Stephen Covey for the title idea. Second, these 10 habits are based on a mixture of my defintion of EQ and the more academic definition of emotional intelligence offered by John Mayer and his research colleagues.
Developing Your EQ - Summary and Suggestions
Use three word sentences beginning with "I feel"
Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations
Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people
Ask others how they feel -- on scale of 0-10
Make time to reflect on your feelings
Identify your fears and desires
Identify your UEN's (Unmet Emotional Needs)
Take responsibility for your emotions & happiness; Stop believing others cause your feelings; Don't expect others to "make" you happy
Express your feelings - find out who cares - spend time with them
Develop the courage to follow your own feelings
Source: http://www.eqi.org